2008

2008 has been a year which I had started right with God but one that along the way, although still places God in my vision, started to take things in my own hands.

2008 has been a year of changes, situations and circumstances which I have never experienced before when I was still under the umbrella of the St.Margies family. As I go through changes after changes, situations after situations and circumstances after circumstances, insecurity built up and up and grew into pride. I was swept up in my own self-pity and my pride that I forgot what was God’s will for me, entertaining thoughts that I should never had especially that of escapism.

I took things in my own hands, I never shared my struggles and whatever that was inside me. I thought I could settle things on my own, I was selective when it came to outreach, I thought I was better than others, I was afraid to show others (even my friends) my vulnerability, afraid what people would think of me, afraid of judgments.

Despite not fitting into the group I was supposed to fit into, God blessed me with friends within the church who I enjoy being with and where I can fit into. These friendships God gave, and I enjoyed but I didn’t trust enough. I didn’t trust enough to tell them my struggles and they only grew and grew. Then it only came to me so recently that if I had trusted these friendships enough earlier, they would have helped me grow and overcome my struggles and I wouldn’t be in such a stupid cui state like this.

Although 2008 was a year of cuiness, and one that I took things in my own hands, it shall not end so. 2008 is going to end right with God as well, for I (finally) acknowledge my pride, my struggles, my vulnerability and His will for me. And now though I am afraid, and I know its not going to be easy,  I go on a journey in which I will go towards growth, breakthroughs and breaking out of my shell.

My God is not worth giving up for anything in this world, Mila Ariel will choose to smile and hold on to her God’s mighty hands.  :)